© Lauren Baxter 2021.
The sun is shining, the bush is burning and our skin is starting to resemble a crumpled leather handbag. Yes, that’s right folks, summer is back and with it, climate change’s mighty wrath. Whether you worship the sun god Ra or retreat into air-conditioning for three months, we can all agree that nothing quite beats cracking a cold one in the park with your mates. And with Australia not known for its lenient drinking in public laws, here’s a set of guidelines so you don’t ruin it for the rest of us, goddamnit. First things first, check you can actually drink in said park…
Trash talk
Fifteen tonnes of trash was left on Coogee Beach a couple of years back after one festive afternoon of public drinking — and I’m not talking about my ex-boyfriends, heyyo. Heck, plastic waste has even been found in the bottom of the Mariana Trench. Littering is a pretty shit way to treat these public places turned hallowed drinking grounds, and you can even cop a hefty fine for doing so. We’re all adults here — you know what a bin is — but some people out there still don’t seem to grasp the concept. It’s time to embrace your inner yuppie and breathe this hippie mantra out into the world: leave nothing but footsteps, take nothing but photos.
Hi diddly ho
The Gospel Of Park Drinking Chapter 22, Verse 39 reads: “Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.” Parks are public spaces so you might encounter other people out and about, just living their best lives — crazy, huh? Be a good park neighbour and consider your noise levels. We’re sorry to tell you but blasting your #fire mixtape through stadium-quality speakers isn’t going to make you many friends. And you could at least pay the premium price for your subscription service of choice — no one wants to hear ads every two songs. Also consider that noise isn’t the only thing that could encroach on your new park pals: spatial awareness is key. That family with the chill toddlers doesn’t want them to be learning any new words while you’re out there causing a ruckus.
Happy hour
Early bird gets the prime park position. Not that we’re advocating a sesh from sunrise to sunset (haha, just kidding, unless?) but day drinking trumps night drinking when you bring parks into the equation every time. The days are long and your mum told us you needed more Vitamin D anyway. The science is hazy regarding the impact timing plays on your metabolic rate so we say forget the arbitrary 5pm rule. The whole point of this is to embrace the great outdoors, right? Be mindful of the heat and UV levels, seek shade and remember, just because you’re trollied at lunchtime, doesn’t mean the rest of the world is. Wear sunglasses, act casual, pretend you’re a responsible member of the community, etc, etc.
Friend zone
We don’t want to get all serious on you, but the festive period is the busiest of the year for paramedics and emergency services. Alcohol, drugs, large crowds and sweltering heat are not what you’d call a winning combination. That’s why it’s super important to use your common sense and keep an eye on your mates in these situations. Stay alert to your surroundings and trust your instincts if you feel uncomfortable. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and speak up if you see anything dodgy. Are you going home afterwards or kicking on? Plan accordingly. And for Pete’s sake, don’t leave him sleeping under a shrub when you leave again.
Clever cookie
Drinking on an empty stomach is a bullet train to Drunksville. You know it, I know it, and yet we’re still hightailing it down to the pub every weekend with nothing in our stomachs but the potential for bad decisions. You’ve heard the age-old proverb, you are what you eat, so if you are making a day of drinking in the park, pack a snack. If all your mates contribute — even stingy Dave — you’ll have the makings of a killer spread. Let your bougiest friend arrange it on a platter and wham bam, think of the ‘gram. Public BBQs are also a great option — with a pack of snags, white bread, sauce and onions, you’ll be giving Bunnings a run for their money in no time. Besides, a few parks across the country will only let you BYOB if you BYOF, so start cookin’.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Respecting the park and people around you is imperative if we’re going to continue enjoying the privilege that is drinking in public. Yep, unfortunately we’re not in Europe — it is a privilege, and one the government could very easily take away. If you want to shit in the rotunda and make a damn fool of yourself, maybe do so in the privacy of your own home. As for getting on it with mother nature, check the restrictions, respect the laws of your local council and basically, just don’t be a dick. It’s a simple piece of advice we’d implore you to consider for many facets of your life.
Original article: The Music December 2019 Issue